Gaia Community: Nadroj's Blog

Who is this person?

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 05:47:09 GMT

Who is this person that I put away?
Where did I leave you-
And where did you wander to?

Where is the person whose words were my truth
who'd watch over me in my sleep
and whose antics make me shake my head in disbelief

who is the person that I put away?
And who does that make me now?

Tags: poem, questions, love, new

waves of bliss

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Tue, 27 May 2008 15:54:55 GMT

i dreamt of waves of bliss
but never of this
such pain
that i never can have my fill
never will, hard to explain

bring your love down
destroy my self annointed crown
like a paper toy
i demand this death
once more for sure
let me catch my breath
hopefully one day
there will be nothing left
no house of regret
just me standing in your sea
all wet

Tags: love, life, death

independence

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:33:02 GMT

In the spirit of Independence
The spirit of Revolution
Let's revitalize our Stars and Stripes
Who've become an empty Institution

Time to reclaim an authentic life
Far away from the corporate knife

the need for a hefty returns and
The blood we bleed is real, unlike your earnings

Be real. Think and feel
and hope.
and get things done.
get organized and stay focused.
and dream, dream

Tags:

Where are you going?

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 00:56:49 GMT

What a question!

Well, my answer shall come from multiple perspectives.

first perspective- ego/success:
I'm going towards completion, towards satisfying my life dreams, towards becoming powerful and helping tons of people and conquering my inhabitions and owning this universe. Happiness. Contentness (if that's a word). Satisfaction. Joy. Family and home and lots of green amenities and friendly neighbors and a nice garden and maybe even someone to keep the place clean, but i want to at least keep it tidy (they can just do the scrubbing.... although that does keep you humble, that's a "we'll see" type of answer)

Second- what i know the yoga sutras wants me to say:
towards completion. Back home.To one. Returning.

What surrender says:
Wherever She wants.

All in all, it's One and the same.
And whatever will be, will be.

I'll tell you this, i'm going to enjoy it, or at least live it.

Tags: QaR, path, journey, future

Recommend something you love to the community.

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 20:09:41 GMT

OMZ!!!

I'm deeply ingratiated to our dear mother earth for WILD BLACK RASPBERRIES!#$!$!#$!#$

I'm in the North East, (Maryland/Delaware area) and they're popping right now. So if you're south of me, GO LOOK.

If you're north of me, GET READY... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

and if you live where i do, are you busy tomorrow? Let's go! We'll make wild black raspberry icecream!!!

Tags: QaR, community, recommendation, taste

On Profiles

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Tue, 01 May 2007 17:27:57 GMT

Righto! So. thanks for stopping by. I'd offer you a drink but you'd have to get it yourself.

So, What have you been keeping yourself busy with lately? I ask because I'm curious.

So let's talk about our profiles, just for a minute. When asked to describe myself in several words, I pause for a moment to consider any possible consequences. Can I be sure that I'm not giving away more than a silly secret or a few linked thoughts? Important stuff.

The problem that I've seen a lot of people joke about and make reference to, one which we're all part of, and you can weigh in on this with me- is that of people branding themselves through our new virtual media.

That's not to say that branding is necessarily a bad concept. What we're all kind of apprehensive about is actually something that can be used positively, if we use a bit of skill in our summations- namely what we identify ourselves with.

This ever expanding medium has created a vastly complicated, and unmistakably interconnected world, a world where not only is there a seemingly infinite reach, there is also a level playing field.

This world of zeroes and ones is primordial in a sense, fertile and pure like a petri dish. Society's principles have followed onto this new infinite medium. We see these norms and institutions clamoring to hang on and vying to infest and conquer before personal empowerment gets out of hand.

We see that game for what it is - but only because something broader is being distributed freely for anyone's use - Pure possibility. The ability to define ourselves however we please. Every day. begin again. Turn the page. Again.

utopia, or disutopia.

Regardless, it is as flexible as the imagination, and with our increasing daily connection with new technologies and new capabilities, identities are understandably becoming ever entwined with the words we've left behind on someone's comment board.

“What will those look like in a month or two?

What if i say this now, and i'm a different person then?”

We're constantly creating and shattering identities, only to recreate them any number of ways.

Sometimes we redefine them all the more neurotically like a mansion of cards.

Or, there can arise a quest to become remembered - to always say the right thing, to crystallize many moments of glory and pass them along.

Or perhaps driven by fear that we may make mistakes and look bad, we never take chances. Trivialized. Reduced to small talk and vagueries. 'Doing fines' and 'How are you doings'. 'Friday was a blast's and 'lets catch up soon's.

Safe, but flavorless.

Or we become like the wind. Undefinable Even by the words we say. Making certain that we can slip out of our clothes at any time and that all of the words and thoughts will stay with them.

What is created again and again is A possibility to redefine ourselves. To plot our dreams.to blur.toexpand.

every time we put our words down.

Every time we change our picture.

We argue the case of tomorrow.

If you gotta brand yourself, brand yourself as becoming

Brand yourself as a student of life, thirsty to be corrected

Brand yourself a creator

Tags: definitions, creator, becoming, student

21st century homesteading

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 03:45:42 GMT

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) -- Anderson, a little town in Alaska's interior, has no gas station, no grocery store and no traffic lights, but it does have plenty of woodsy land -- and it's free to anyone willing to put down roots in the often-frozen ground.

In a modern twist on the homesteading movement that populated the Plains in the 1800s, the community of 300 people is offering 26 large lots on spruce-covered land in a part of Alaska that has spectacular views of the Northern lights and Mount McKinley, North America's highest peak.

And what's an occasional day of 60-below cold in a town removed from big-city ills?

"It's Mayberry," said Anderson high-school teacher Daryl Frisbie, whose social studies class explored ways to boost the town's dwindling population. Students developed a Web site and Power Point presentation, then persuaded the City Council to give it a go.

there's more, here's the link

Tags:

The return of synchronicity

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 03:39:54 GMT

I must be getting close!

the exposition-2 fridays ago, i went to philly, on a whim. it felt right. I ended up meeting an AWESOME artist,(Buying 7 paintings for 60 bucks!!!!!!!!) a hip hop artist,(cd, 5 bucks) a record company exec, and just talking nice with lots of happy people.

Well, the exec (blakout records) wants to put together an indi art/music tour, so i am going to see wha's up...maybe kick some poetry, and definitely hook him up with my friends.

as opposed to type the rest out again. I'm going to copy emails.

i met a girl named autumn the other day. i saw her tuesday on main st. drove past her and just noticed her. wed. she was in main squeez, I said “ hey, i'm jordan, i saw you yesterday” . . . ladada, then i got my wheat grass and left
then i came back, and said "this may sound weird, but I just read celestine prophecy, and it's all - there's no such thing as a coincidence, yada yada- and then ..well(acting kind of shy)i wanted to see if there was a meaning for me noticing you, and then bumping into you”

and she said "well i have an art show friday, you should come"to which igave, almost reluctantly "i'd love to, but i'm going to the poconos this weekend"

then i told her about these people i met who are putting on a big art/music tourand she gave me her email

then i left

here's the email i just sent her

So,

This is Jordan, that nice young gentleman you met the other day a few times on main street (main sqz)

And I've got a story or 2 to tell you.

First off, how's everything? I'm sorry to hear about your show tonight.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

This morning, I had plans to go up to the poconos to the himalayan institute . It's a yoga center that I lived at 2 Mays ago till last June. About a year. There was a seminar (i assume there still is) going on, it was to be lovely, and i'm sure it is, especially with reduced attendance. It was all about what's the role of a conscious seeker in the 21st centure, etc. Meditation, all that good stuff.Well, Winter mix and icy conditions prevailed and I was defeated.

In fact, that's not entirely true. I could have made it, had I left att 9 oclock, which i was going to, however- i actually had signed up for 2 events this weekend, unbeknown to me and my non-schedule book using self. So, this morning, i was waiting for a sign to tell me which to attend. The Institute, or tomorrow there's an equinox celibration with yoga and vegi food, etc.- in philly

Finally, i kept seeing the face of the yoga instructor in philly, so i took that as the sign. I've been looking for a spiritual community around these parts, and philly isn't TOOO far away, so that will be nice. a lot of people to talk with, and vibe off of etc. - and hours of body melting yoga. mmm

So, I chose to stay home. (winter mix wasn't sign enough, i guess)

And then i realized that I could see your show! So i went to main sqz. and looked for your poster,found it, called the place, and found out the time, etc. (i bet you can guess where this story is going)

So i repotted a few plants, cleaned up the place cooked myself dinner, and then left on an excursion in the wintery mix to see the show of one Autumn Dean. ; )

I did see your name in lights - that's quite nice.

So, after finding out that I should have called ahead b4 i headed out -I headed home.

that sentence had too much head. Rookie bartender mistake and grammar no-no.

Anyhow. So on the way home, i got lost a bit, not bad- just missed a turn really
then got almost all the way home

and my car thought it was a good idea to go play in a ditch.

So, i got out of my car, and instantly soaked my socks. nice.

Then i called AAA.

waited 15 min. for a person (your call will be answered in the order it is received)
and finally got hold, they sent someone out (under 2 hours)
BUT! a good sumeritan came and saved me. his name was Danny. Should have been a Dan i thought, or Daniel

He was the strong silent type. Huge hillbilly accent, . pulled me out, then left without a word.
I did shake his hand though. Perhaps the strongest handshake I've felt, and not one of those I'm trying to crush your hand shakes.
This guy just personified ... well something. The guy on the beam with his lunchbox hundred stories up, riveting.

So, here I am at home. getting ready for bed.

OOH! I almost forgot an important part- another good semeritan stopped- Jeremy.. We talked for like, 3 or 5 minutes while we waited for AAA b4 the spirit of America came and saved me.

He works at the chesepeake in, etc.

But, the thing is- he is trying to open an internet company, and his buddy does web design.....AND, i'm trying to get someone to design a pretty complicated web site for me and the organization i have started/am starting.... SOO,
Hopefully that guy's a noble soul too, because the website's all about community service- donating your time. Hopefully he'll be the first.

More about the website later, it would take too long to describe now, and I need to brush my teeth.

SO.

I bid you goodnight, with full awareness that there's no such thing as an accident.

Jordan

Tags:

Self Interview

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 00:53:55 GMT

Do I fear failure?

What is Failure, besides stopping to try? When does one call his enterprise bust?
I do fear getting in over my head, and not being able to perform when it is necessary for me to do so - due to either a lack of energy or a bad day.

I fear that I will let people down, and in doing so, perhaps I make the biggest mistake of all by not trying and therefore not fulfilling my prophecy.

What do I want to be for people?

An inspiration, a light, a leader, a bearer of good news, happiness and truth.

Why do I want to be that for people?

Perhaps partially to feel validated.
Partially because I think the world needs these things.
Partially, it just seems most right.

Why me?

What else is one here to do?

What about be satisfied, grateful?

How does one do so without giving?

Notice the blessings, dedicate self to the moment. Ask for nothing, not even those things that seem to come naturally- satiety from food, quenched thirst from drink, rest with sleep, tranquility from meditation.

If these things come, they are blessings, however, the acts themselves are prayer and worship, which is all that we can do. Work hard, laugh, tell stories, dream or not dream, exercise, study. All prayer.

What does prayer accomplish?

With selfless intention, prayer brings us piece of mind.

Am i to expect this?

No.

Well, if it never comes, why pray?

Until you can find a better intention than offering and surrender.... well, let's just say, always do the best that you know of.

What about when I fall short, when I am lazy and unhappy?

Strive. Expect nothing from yourself. Action must come spontaneously and without punishment in order to truly take hold. When things improve, act- and remember that sometimes things improve with action.

Saying that you cannot expect a thing is not to say that you cannot notice trends and act upon them. Exercise tends to leave one refreshed and nourished. Act upon your observations, only do not depend upon them. Build yourself a chest full of resources to use, tools for the occasion. Be observant and care for these tools, and improve them.

What should I do about my biggest fears?

Examine route causes, and see if they are justifiable. If so, work to conquer their external causes.

If one cannot do anything about them, then do not waste energy with fear - they will either play out and go away, or be solved when the time comes and one has the necessary resources to deal with them.

If your fears are internally based, work to fortify yourself.

Work both in the daily realm of actions to build confidence, and also stay vigilent in the moment that your fears surface. See them as mental constructs and deal with them rationally, and listen to your own true voice. Your questioning your ability diminishes your ability - it is better to say that one does not know either way and work persistently until the moment arises. Remember what you said about failure and trying.

Why do I do things that my hearts wisdom knows I should not do?

Habit, will, and ego all conspire and act out of past construction. This is what naturally happens when one is not complete.

Ego necessarily contains doubt until it acts as an instrument for the heart or conscience.

While ego necessarily contains doubt, the mind always needs validation.
The wisest thing to do is to follow through with your desires, and test your hearts wisdom. See what happens when you follow your passions and excesses.

Pile evidence.

Eventually ego will come to realize that the heart is not its enemy, that it truly is the manifestation of pure uncondtional love, and this love resonates everwhere- it even looks out for the ego.

Following desire naturally leads to the dis-illusion of the ego.

This happens on a micro level of actions and consiquences, each adding more evidence for the final ballot. Is is almost as if each mental construct or quality is won over seperately.

There will remain doubts until desperation causes the soul to cry out.
It is all building evidence for the final paradigm shift

Ultimately, it is a deeper intellect which decides, and we merely must follow. The reasons we may give are not as valid as the truth that "I know".

Therefore, there is no off-track. There is no wrong path. There is only evidence gathering. Worry not about the forgetfullness of your mind - the soul remembers and speaks this truth.
Eventually your ego will sing harmony.

This is cause enough to smile.
Or at least to feel comfort.
Or to draw another breath.

Now follow. Remember, there is no such thing as failure.

Tags: Interview, Self, Love, Peace

Letter to Senators - Please comment.

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 03:37:46 GMT

I haven't yet sent this...but i'm curious- do you think it's to the point enough, or too long to get at the point, and too longwinded in general? Your input is GREATLY appreciated! thanks.


January 31, 2007

Senator Joe Biden
201 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C.
20510

Senator Biden,

I am writing concerning the message of freedom and the path of victory in Iraq. Seeing what I have in the news, reading the reports that I read, I am deeply troubled. I have an idea that if you have not already considered, I would consider it an honor if you did.

The news that radical Muslim Mullahs have taken over the role of some of the schooling in Iraq and other troubled zones worries me in that it makes victory all the more illusive. Even if we were to beat back resistence in the war zones, this could only be a temporary fix as the next generation of combatants learn to tie their shoes, say their alphabet and hate our flag and the good people that stand beside it. Our message of peace and freedom is marred in their eyes, and this is our opportunity to polish and reinstate it as the cultural ideal in the hearts of the citizens of the world.

Instead of thinking of this as a setback, we should capitalize on the opportunity we have- to unite region and world by providing an alternative, by showing them we truly do care for their future by moving forward with education. This is truly the ultimate peacekeeping mission.

Calling for Muslims of all lands to step up and defend the honesty of their religion, unsullied by radical ideals of carnage, hate and a twisted form of redemption, we defend that which those who peg themselves as our enemies value most- their religious identity. Send a troupe of teachers so faithful and convicted in their religion that they would risk themselves for its better and honest values and be an example of dignity and courage to the region, whose current role models may be those with hate clogging their moral judgements.

Calling for Muslims with a true understanding of the peace which religion begs of us, the internal battle between good and evil that the scriptures enlighten in us, and the adaptation that the world demands of us is surely our best defense against “terrorism” or intolerance.


The trick really, for winning the war, is to win the public of Iraq back, to win back the fancy of the world. Through peacekeeping, through helping them meet their needs, we will show them who their real enemy is. If we do not move forward with this, we risk giving extremists the opportunity to aid in restructuring society, winning allies in the process. If we move quickly, the true intentions of all concerned will be exposed, and the extremists will be ostracized and eventually fade from existence and memory.

The key concept in this world that is now completely interdependent is making sure that every area and concern gets its due attention. Likened to a living organism, if a part is neglected and starts to fester, the whole body is to suffer. In fighting our battles with weapons alone we risk cutting off our nose to spite our face. We must be part of a force of healing if we aim to succeed in these trying years to come.

By setting up aid in the name of the American people and all free people of the world, inviting those in the war torn region to take our hand and climb towards a better life, we interact on the personal level of compassion, which is the path to success.   Because the world has displayed an increasing lack of trust in our executive branch, this initiative may be best received coming from elsewhere. This may require work between Senators and leaders of the public sector to achieve proper scope and to send the correct message, but it cannot be government alone. We must demonstrate to those we aim to aid and to all the people of the world that the American people are not their enemies.


Sincerely,

Jordan Epstein

Tags: Biden, Letter, Senator, Iraq, Freedom, Intolerance, Education

just...watch

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 04:31:36 GMT

Matt Savage plays "Blues in 33/8" in New York

Tags: matt, savage, jazz, music, genius

a movie of it all

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 11:32:14 GMT

the folly of man
driven out into the snow by his own desire

If you were watching a movie of it all, you would plead with the hero, "don't go. be stronger"

The universe, though, with its infinite wisdom, ballances our yearnings.

You examine the wounds with your hands, and look towards the sky

There's no use cursing he who cut you, he's the same one who dressed you warm and sent you searching out there.

Go home. Kick off your boots.

close your eyes and stay by the fire .

Tags: poem, love, universe, wisdom, movie

a song

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 20:29:57 GMT

And as I dreamt of the ocean
sitting at my desk
in your run of the mill office space

the sea breeze and sea gulls
swept up the sour notes
from my run of the mill face

This is the song on the jukebox that I wanted
Somehow something black lunged came out when I pushed the button

my feet in the bubbles,
as tiny clams start
lifebent on their commonplace dig

I can feel your smile
your eyes on my troubles
as they wash way in the abyss

what was that thing you said,
about two weeks ago, by the bay?

“When all that’s left is witnessing
then who speaks the words that you say?”

This is the song on the jukebox that I wanted
Fireflies light up the skies in between us and nothing

Caught in the tide of a marvelous stride
I find myself brought to the edge

as dreams mix with reality and nothing is left to be said.

Tags: song, jukebox, ocean, love

days and nice

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 06:26:23 GMT

the cool sound of windchimes, big and small

cars whoosh by on the slick road, on to their destinations.
each one
some dangerously cling to the curves, pedal planted
some with the guttural, coughing squawk of an injured bohemith

i wonder about their contents

is he smoking a cigarette, listeing to old vocal jazz
is he a she, putting on her lipstick in the rearview
is she late, is she early,
What are her dreams?

Does she ever think about all the houses she drives past and the people inside them-
imagining an old man in a bath tub, lightbulb exposed
or lovers tangled on the floor, the door open
what's her favorite scent?
Does she like soup? I do have just enough for a second.

Tags: ponderance, soup's on

deep wet love

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 00:11:06 GMT

i am representitive of man's quest for completion
i am jagged pieces of glass
being handled lovingly by the keeper of things

i am a puppy dog with knotted hair, michievous intentions
and deep wet love
i am recycled from Adam, I am a sewn together shopping bag
begging to be filled with ripe beauty

i am a wandering enigma
curious to extremes, suspicious of extremes
i am a wheel of events
driven by what has come before, pleading with myself to keep diligent

i am a friend of solitude
i am the gentle sip of the sea
the constant dream of the sleepless

my search continues until my definition needs no qualifiers.

Tags:

full speed ahead.

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 07:38:28 GMT

Lovely what a day of atoneing does for one's appetites.

a weekend surrounded by lovely souls and seekers

ah, the seeking is prayer itself.

Tags:

why, again?

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 02:40:06 GMT

So now what.

Day in and out the same struggle persists. The drama of it all is enough
to know that separately a calm exists

but let’s leave behind the comfort of rhyme
now.
Now what
what is held in store for one who ate, in his indulgent estimations, much too much chocolate
who is constantly redefining his identity
what he stands for

what is left for the wide eyed dreamer
what is the purpose on this hazy lazy day

I know it’s all the same,
another day
more of it. More money problems, more need for regimenting
more search for the perfect diet, and how to make it work . . . Fill in the blanks,
their tricks are becoming more transparant. Yeah, so what i say.

what is next . I feel like today is yesterday

why again?

Another sports team, another distraction. I have seen this one before.
Why not fool myself again, though?
And is it really foolish? Or is it only experience? Is that just living life fully
Am i in denial, am I depriving myself of the bounty of experience?

Duel truths. My ego wants to tell you that many times I write naively
prompting you to react strongly - to oppose my ideas and hone your own blade

But at the same time, I write not for just you, I write for me. I write to react strongly against my own words. Put it in black and white and find myself repelled
into a place of neutrality.

Questions whose answers are silence. What?
Or is that laughter I hear? Or sorrow. A million dreams from the countless multitudes. All walking through experience with a new desire on their tongue, burning for acceptance and realization, to be found. All wanting to be held, both physically, mentally, emotionally.

Held in a bond of respect.

How do you look at every man like you love them? Strike that, how do you look at every man with love?

I start in the mirror with myself. Sometimes I make funny faces.

When will this cycle end?

My desire for the end brings me farther from it.

What is the meaning of the untruth.

Why do I make vows and why do I run things through in my mind? Why are they not left alone? I create concepts and selves only to shatter them.

I am getting used to the shattering. Perhaps material success is necessary to show that still, one is unsatisfied. Perhaps it is the true realization of ones dissatisfaction that leaves him smiling, sated.

I once wrote of the glass that I am constantly surrounded by. My small tank, my oxygen stone, my rocks on the floor, my scenery. This is my safety net, this tank is my home.

More than anything else, I want to break the glass.

I am afraid, however, that if I do so, I will be at a loss for water. That I will die.

I set my life up in such a way that I am able to get peeks outside. Or at least attempt to peak. Or at least hint at peaking. My energy is flowing towards breaking. Or at least it is occupied in the thought. Perhaps it is just more deception.

I'm afraid of drying up.

I convince myself that a safe place must be picked, that I may find myself immersed in a cool brook, or perhaps the ocean when my walls collapse.

I surround myself with my idea of what these places are so that the moment may come at anytime.

All the while, knowing that those who claim to know have said that the whole world is the ocean. That there is no thing but safety. That it is all home. I guess there is only one way to find out.

You tell me- Why, again?

Tags:

loneliness, desire and want

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Sat, 02 Sep 2006 03:13:53 GMT

Loneliness
desire
and want

my feeling of loneliness comes only from the idea that something is missing.
I await your arrival, I cook your food. I daydream of our conversation as I set the table
as I plan the night.

You call me on the phone, twenty minutes. How much less time that is than I need to prepare my house for you.

You come, you eat my food. The words we speak, what meaning do they have?
They’re symbols from a deeper place. You talk about your work
I speak of my being, of my pride.

We share our frustrations and our accomplishments
We puff up our chests.

We kiss. We kiss in a way of wanting. A way that lacks. That no amount of kissing, or touching, or love making could ever fill. We could lay together naked for months and never touch near the object of our loneliness. Years.

You look to me as someone who inspires a great thing in you. That is a great honor, that I would love to accept humbly. I feel pride, I must admit.

You love who you would be with me.

I know that it is not the case. I would not be me with you. We would meet in the middle, and that’s no place for people like us to meet.

No, I could never meet you in the middle. It makes me wonder how I got this far. How many of my teachers must have bent down to lend me a hand. I am overwhelmed by their generosity and hope this compassion enters my own soul.

You do not want a teacher for a lover. You do not want a student.

I do not. Let’s start on even ground, is that too much to ask?

No, there is a deeper seed burried, a deeper meaning contained.

Loneliness, desire - comes from the feeling of lacking.

It is only when complete will I truly be able to be in Your presense.

That is what truly I desire. It lays burried beneath the myriad of small hopes and dreams
They are only a smokescrean, parlor tricks. Slight of hand.

Magic is my desire. Flames my inspiration.

Any loneliness must be interpreted as a lack of a relationship with You.

Can I be lonely for You? What does it bring. The passion that it creates, perhaps is a strong enough pull to keep me revolving around You like the moon and the globe. But is that good enough? Can I truly be content a mere satelite?

These questions are too heady, too much flash and show. What is my deep desire?

Freedom from all desire. We’re now getting closer.

Every time I try to describe my needs, two things happen.

One I get frustrated with the words and realize that I can never touch that.
The second is that I feel an increased satisfaction.

Tags: loneliness, desire, want

Mini-update

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 12:02:49 GMT

First off, if you're looking for a good silly smile, read the previous blog entry- posted last night. i guess you post too many too quick you risk people don't read the good stuff.

second, i have to run to a Yoga class. (Yin Yoga at my new favorite yoga studio, well at least in Philly-
Wake Up Yoga but. I just wanted to share my exuberance with everyone.

so here's the good news! 2 big announcements!

So today a crew's going tomato picking (food pick #2)
for the event.

Massive, i mean massive pot of chili will be made, so we need lots.

and from what i hear we have so many to pick. so everyone'll be going home with boatloads, and also there'll be more than enough to freeze and get ready for the event-

and get this- i have asked the farmer, and he doesn't mind if we SELL THE EXTRA so that we can raise funds for the event!(scroll down to the bottom after following that link for info on the event, or just read other blog entries)

HG Haskell is my hero!

Okay. so that's not what particularly made me so joyous, and want to post a blog article, no no. that's good, but this bit is just fantastic...

I put out an advertisement for artists to participate in making the event pretty (designing and building the booths that the teachers will be teaching out of)
and i got a WAVE of response from artists volunteering!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOORAY

okay i gotta go

good day to all

oh, and if you read the last blog entry, and wonder why i'm not sleeping...

I actually am, believe it or not.

Tags: happy, excitement, stuff

the cure for all of everything

http://jepstein.gaia.com — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 11:39:15 GMT

so I don't know how many of you guys know me like that- probably a few
but for those who don't, you wouldn't know that I'm very sporadic with my energy.

Well its pretty predictable actually. Well it seems to me to be, and I guess that's who it matters most to, I mean, you guys only have to deal with me in clips, but I'm always dealing with myself, and sometimes *perhaps* resting, within my. Self

anyway, enough philosophy and hopeful words for now, this is real world applicable stuff we're talking about here.

I figured out that what I do is, I use about 4 or 16 or 18 days (usually an even number) of energy ALL in one day (and its quite a day those days!). I mean, this day, to continue a thought that I started in parenthesis, this day is quite fantastic. You come across me and wham you're happy to be alive, because I'm just radiating 11 days worth of energy at once.

Watch out if I shoot you a glance, because it's probably going to put you at a peace that you're not ready for, or energize you towards action that you don't have time for, or perhaps just make you walk away and say who the hell is that guy. It depends on the day, because not only my energy fluctuates, but like most of us, also the quality and focus and feeling of this energy.

So those days (like today) I call everyone I know, wish them the best, talk to their mom on the phone for 15 minutes about their sons ex-girlfriend who just came back to him and now is living out of their house, and man the son and this girl need to find a place because she's got enough trouble as it is,
whatever else.

And I do 25 out of 37 of the things on my to do list.
Okay., so I use up ALLL LLLL that wonderful energy.
And then.

I crash. For days. I'm tired, I'm pained, (sore) and strained (brain) and forgetful and beat myself up (rhymes with brain and strain- how about, zane!)

So, days go by when I'm fighting (an odd number of days, based upon how many days worth of energy I had used before. say I used 26 days of energy, I have 25 days recuperation time- as well, I did use the energy meant for that very same day as well)

so these pained days, these challenging days, the days when its' not easy as pie, I guess they say these difficult days are when you make all of the progress that you then cover in that glorious day (or perhaps its days or weeks or months, but for the sake of the story, its only one day of the world bending to my very touch) (and perhaps they only say that thing that they say anyway, to make those tedious days less tedious!)

so I don't want to be sore. So I do a lot of yoga. But I don't want to do yoga, so I lay down. Then I fall asleep and I don't want to fall asleep so I get up and I eat, then I do something else and something else. And say my mantra. And then its time for work or something, where I go and do my job and say my mantra and try to get inside my hip, which is usually what's paining me, and my neck, which is usually doing the same, and relax them. and I say my mantra. and then I go home and go to sleep and do it again

And man is that a hard cycle to break. Wake up in pain and with your mind already racing, or just tired. And its hard to motivate yourself to do that yoga in the way that will get you really running on all cylinders (and then some perhaps?)
(granted I've learned how to do it, but that's not the story now, we're talking about NOT doing it. Plus in this last paragraph, I’m using the second person singular, you. not me. So forget about the early morning walks to clear the mind or the whathaveyous.)
NO. We're talking about the days of fighting and forgetting that we know the answer

well, i guess to be gramatically correct, it would be you know the answer. but now i'll switch back to first person singular, to avoid not confusing anyone.

Hopefully I'm not alone in this forgetting.
Well on second thought, hopefully I am, I hope that everyone reading this learns their lesson the first time. But I for one, have not
anyway, what am I getting at? Who am I talking about?

I have discovered the answer to these lazy "I don't want to" days!
These 9 or 11 or 15 days it takes until we're next ready to function optimally and accomplish 20 or 24 or whatever days worth of stuff
even if it takes 40 days until you're next ready to be a Moses man and tackle the whole desert and speak to god. Even if it takes 42 days, and even Moses has to step aside and marvel at your stoicism.

well then just sleep!
its really simple when you think about it. Why fight it?
Think about the upside- you avoid days if not weeks of pain, how many issues you'll work through subconsciouslly (superconsciouslly?) while dozing away may even eclipse the number of issues in waking life, and therefore those insanely energized happy and focused days, you may have even MORE juice to go on, and really, when you think about it-

Your body doesn't need too much food when you sleep, eat a big meal before you go under, and a big one when you wake up.

I think when considering this as an option, we should focus on all of the great dreams, and practice that we'll have in those dreams !

I've been giving myself over to the practice of dreams lately, thanks to my buddy Dave at Zaadz, and also well, a lot of other things that are just pointing me that way, and funny enough I just saw, not knowing what it was about ahead of time, Waking Life this evening, (synchronicity) after having dreams last night that a psychologist would have had trouble touching.

They'd be like- hey man, I think that's a bit personal, and we both really know what that one means so, uh, why don't you just go home and, well, I think we're done here for now.
Wow crazy dreams.

So. Yeah. I'm going to sleep. If you don't see me for a month, you'll know why.

Tags: dreams, happiness, sleep, Waking Life, lucid dreams, the cure for all of everything