Self Interview

Do I fear failure?

What is Failure, besides stopping to try?  When does one call his enterprise bust?
I do fear getting in over my head, and not being able to perform when it is necessary for me to do so - due to either a lack of energy or a bad day. 

I fear that I will let people down, and in doing so, perhaps I make the biggest mistake of all by not trying and therefore not fulfilling my prophecy.

What do I want to be for people?

An inspiration, a light, a leader, a bearer of good news, happiness and truth.

Why do I want to be that for people?

Perhaps partially to feel validated.
Partially because I think the world needs these things.
Partially, it just seems most right.

Why me?

What else is one here to do?

What about be satisfied, grateful?

How does one do so without giving?

Notice the blessings, dedicate self to the moment.  Ask for nothing, not even those things that seem to come naturally- satiety from food, quenched thirst from drink, rest with sleep, tranquility from meditation.

If these things come, they are blessings, however, the acts themselves are prayer and worship, which is all that we can do.  Work hard, laugh, tell stories, dream or not dream, exercise, study.  All prayer.

What does prayer accomplish?

With selfless intention, prayer brings us piece of mind.

Am i to expect this?

No.

Well, if it never comes, why pray?

Until you can find a better intention than offering and surrender.... well, let's just say, always do the best that you know of.

What about when I fall short, when I am lazy and unhappy?

Strive.  Expect nothing from yourself.  Action must come spontaneously and without punishment in order to truly take hold.  When things improve, act- and remember that sometimes things improve with action.

Saying that you cannot expect a thing is not to say that you cannot notice trends and act upon them.  Exercise tends to leave one refreshed and nourished.  Act upon your observations, only do not depend upon them.  Build yourself a chest full of resources to use, tools for the occasion.  Be observant and care for these tools, and improve them.

What should I do about my biggest fears?

Examine route causes, and see if they are justifiable.  If so, work to conquer their external causes. 

If one cannot do anything about them, then do not waste energy with fear - they will either play out and go away, or be solved when the time comes and one has the necessary resources to deal with them.

If your fears are internally based, work to fortify yourself.

Work both in the daily realm of actions to build confidence, and also stay vigilent in the moment that your fears surface.  See them as mental constructs and deal with them rationally, and listen to your own true voice.  Your questioning your ability diminishes your ability - it is better to say that one does not know either way and work persistently until the moment arises.    Remember what you said about failure and trying.

Why do I do things that my hearts wisdom knows I should not do?

Habit, will, and ego all conspire and act out of past construction.  This is what naturally happens when one is not complete.

Ego necessarily contains doubt until it acts as an instrument for the heart or conscience.

While ego necessarily contains doubt, the mind always needs validation. 
The wisest thing to do is to follow through with your desires, and test your hearts wisdom. See what happens when you follow your passions and excesses.

Pile evidence.

Eventually ego will come to realize that the heart is not its enemy, that it truly is the manifestation of pure uncondtional love, and this love resonates everwhere- it even looks out for the ego.

Following desire naturally leads to the dis-illusion of the ego.

This happens on a micro level of actions and consiquences, each adding more evidence for the final ballot.  Is is almost as if each mental construct or quality is won over seperately.

There will remain doubts until desperation causes the soul to cry out.
It is all building evidence for the final paradigm shift

Ultimately, it is a deeper intellect which decides, and we merely must  follow.   The reasons we may give are not as valid as the truth that "I know".

Therefore, there is no off-track.  There is no wrong path.  There is only evidence gathering.  Worry not about the forgetfullness of your mind - the soul remembers and speaks this truth. 
Eventually your ego will sing harmony.

This is cause enough to smile.
Or at least to feel comfort.
Or to draw another breath.

Now follow.  Remember, there is no such thing as failure.