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desire
December 2008 
loneliness, desire and want
Posted on Sep 1st, 2006
by 
Nadroj
Nadroj
Loneliness
desire
and want
my feeling of loneliness comes only from the idea that something is missing.
I await your arrival, I cook your food. I daydream of our conversation as I set the table
as I plan the night.
You call me on the phone, twenty minutes. How much less time that is than I need to prepare my house for you.
You come, you eat my food. The words we speak, what meaning do they have?
They’re symbols from a deeper place. You talk about your work
I speak of my being, of my pride.
We share our frustrations and our accomplishments
We puff up our chests.
We kiss. We kiss in a way of wanting. A way that lacks. That no amount of kissing, or touching, or love making could ever fill. We could lay together naked for months and never touch near the object of our loneliness. Years.
You look to me as someone who inspires a great thing in you. That is a great honor, that I would love to accept humbly. I feel pride, I must admit.
You love who you would be with me.
I know that it is not the case. I would not be me with you. We would meet in the middle, and that’s no place for people like us to meet.
No, I could never meet you in the middle. It makes me wonder how I got this far. How many of my teachers must have bent down to lend me a hand. I am overwhelmed by their generosity and hope this compassion enters my own soul.
You do not want a teacher for a lover. You do not want a student.
I do not. Let’s start on even ground, is that too much to ask?
No, there is a deeper seed burried, a deeper meaning contained.
Loneliness, desire - comes from the feeling of lacking.
It is only when complete will I truly be able to be in Your presense.
That is what truly I desire. It lays burried beneath the myriad of small hopes and dreams
They are only a smokescrean, parlor tricks. Slight of hand.
Magic is my desire. Flames my inspiration.
Any loneliness must be interpreted as a lack of a relationship with You.
Can I be lonely for You? What does it bring. The passion that it creates, perhaps is a strong enough pull to keep me revolving around You like the moon and the globe. But is that good enough? Can I truly be content a mere satelite?
These questions are too heady, too much flash and show. What is my deep desire?
Freedom from all desire. We’re now getting closer.
Every time I try to describe my needs, two things happen.
One I get frustrated with the words and realize that I can never touch that.
The second is that I feel an increased satisfaction.
desire
and want
my feeling of loneliness comes only from the idea that something is missing.
I await your arrival, I cook your food. I daydream of our conversation as I set the table
as I plan the night.
You call me on the phone, twenty minutes. How much less time that is than I need to prepare my house for you.
You come, you eat my food. The words we speak, what meaning do they have?
They’re symbols from a deeper place. You talk about your work
I speak of my being, of my pride.
We share our frustrations and our accomplishments
We puff up our chests.
We kiss. We kiss in a way of wanting. A way that lacks. That no amount of kissing, or touching, or love making could ever fill. We could lay together naked for months and never touch near the object of our loneliness. Years.
You look to me as someone who inspires a great thing in you. That is a great honor, that I would love to accept humbly. I feel pride, I must admit.
You love who you would be with me.
I know that it is not the case. I would not be me with you. We would meet in the middle, and that’s no place for people like us to meet.
No, I could never meet you in the middle. It makes me wonder how I got this far. How many of my teachers must have bent down to lend me a hand. I am overwhelmed by their generosity and hope this compassion enters my own soul.
You do not want a teacher for a lover. You do not want a student.
I do not. Let’s start on even ground, is that too much to ask?
No, there is a deeper seed burried, a deeper meaning contained.
Loneliness, desire - comes from the feeling of lacking.
It is only when complete will I truly be able to be in Your presense.
That is what truly I desire. It lays burried beneath the myriad of small hopes and dreams
They are only a smokescrean, parlor tricks. Slight of hand.
Magic is my desire. Flames my inspiration.
Any loneliness must be interpreted as a lack of a relationship with You.
Can I be lonely for You? What does it bring. The passion that it creates, perhaps is a strong enough pull to keep me revolving around You like the moon and the globe. But is that good enough? Can I truly be content a mere satelite?
These questions are too heady, too much flash and show. What is my deep desire?
Freedom from all desire. We’re now getting closer.
Every time I try to describe my needs, two things happen.
One I get frustrated with the words and realize that I can never touch that.
The second is that I feel an increased satisfaction.
Access: Public
That’s beautiful. And so true.
It’s so poetic, I didn’t want the post to end.
You could write a whole novel that way and I’d be happy. =]
Om Shanti.
Jordan,
I was reading and I was right there with you in the experience. I went through the decisions and the cycles with you. I floated down your stream. Thanks for carrying me.
That was a nice trip. I'm glad I stumbled across it today. Beautiful… and so so real.
Blessings,
Kris
Hey Jordan,
I wanted to add a thought here if it's okay. I hear your words however they lead to such desperation for me in my heart. The lover who is coming to is burdened with your need to be fulfilled. I feel you must have the love affair first with yourself. In every aspect even the physical. The preparing of food the cleaning of your home the cleansing and preparedness for self love. You must do this for you for a time. Only then shall the lover be welcomed without burdens and expectations.
Then they are free to breath when needed and they also are loved in return, you are preparing to be loved in your story…..It sounds almost as if you need the love to love
Once love is achieved do you stop? What do you offer in return?
Good stuff so far!!!
Peace and good to see a local!
Hugz