i dreamt of waves of bliss
but never of this
such pain
that i never can have my fill
never will, hard to explain

bring your love down
destroy my self annointed crown
like a paper toy
i demand this death
once more for sure
let me catch my breath
hopefully one day
there will be nothing left
no house of regret
just me standing in your sea
all wet

In the spirit of Independence
The spirit of Revolution
Let's revitalize our Stars and Stripes
Who've become an empty Institution

Time to reclaim an authentic life
Far away from the corporate knife

the need for a hefty returns and
The blood we bleed is real, unlike your earnings

Be real. Think and feel
and hope.
and get things done.
get organized and stay focused.
and dream, dream

What a question!

Well, my answer shall come from multiple perspectives.

first perspective- ego/success:
I'm going towards completion, towards satisfying my life dreams, towards becoming powerful and helping tons of people and conquering my inhabitions and owning this universe.  Happiness. Contentness (if that's a word).  Satisfaction.  Joy.  Family and home and lots of green amenities and friendly neighbors and a nice garden and maybe even someone to keep the place clean, but i want to at least keep it tidy (they can just do the scrubbing.... although that does keep you humble, that's a "we'll see" type of answer)

Second- what i know the yoga sutras wants me to say:
towards completion. Back home.To one. Returning.

What surrender says:
Wherever She wants.


All in all, it's One and the same.
And whatever will be, will be.

I'll tell you this, i'm going to enjoy it, or at least live it.

OMZ!!!

I'm deeply ingratiated to our dear mother earth for WILD BLACK RASPBERRIES!#$!$!#$!#$

I'm in the North East, (Maryland/Delaware area) and they're popping right now. So if you're south of me, GO LOOK.

If you're north of me, GET READY... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

and if you live where i do, are you busy tomorrow?  Let's go!  We'll make wild black raspberry icecream!!!

Righto! So. thanks for stopping by. I'd offer you a drink but you'd have to get it yourself.

So, What have you been keeping yourself busy with lately? I ask because I'm curious.

So let's talk about our profiles, just for a minute.  When asked to describe myself in several words, I pause for a moment to consider any possible consequences. Can I be sure that I'm not giving away more than a silly secret or a few linked thoughts? Important stuff.

The problem that I've seen a lot of people joke about and make reference to, one which we're all part of, and you can weigh in on this with me- is that of people branding themselves through our new virtual media.

That's not to say that branding is necessarily a bad concept. What we're all kind of apprehensive about is actually something that can be used positively, if we use a bit of skill in our summations- namely what we identify ourselves with.

This ever expanding medium has created a vastly complicated, and unmistakably interconnected world, a world where not only is there a seemingly infinite reach, there is also a level playing field.

This world of zeroes and ones is primordial in a sense, fertile and pure like a petri dish. Society's principles have followed onto this new infinite medium. We see these norms and institutions clamoring to hang on and vying to infest and conquer before personal empowerment gets out of hand.

We see that game for what it is - but only because something broader is being distributed freely for anyone's use - Pure possibility. The ability to define ourselves however we please. Every day. begin again. Turn the page. Again.

utopia, or disutopia.

Regardless, it is as flexible as the imagination, and with our increasing daily connection with new technologies and new capabilities, identities are understandably becoming ever entwined with the words we've left behind on someone's comment board.

“What will those look like in a month or two?

What if i say this now, and i'm a different person then?”

We're constantly creating and shattering identities, only to recreate them any number of ways.

Sometimes we redefine them all the more neurotically like a mansion of cards.

Or, there can arise a quest to become remembered - to always say the right thing, to crystallize many moments of glory and pass them along.

Or perhaps driven by fear that we may make mistakes and look bad, we never take chances. Trivialized. Reduced to small talk and vagueries. 'Doing fines' and 'How are you doings'. 'Friday was a blast's and 'lets catch up soon's.

Safe, but flavorless.

Or we become like the wind. Undefinable Even by the words we say. Making certain that we can slip out of our clothes at any time and that all of the words and thoughts will stay with them.

What is created again and again is A possibility to redefine ourselves. To plot our dreams.to blur.toexpand.

every time we put our words down.

Every time we change our picture.

We argue the case of tomorrow.

If you gotta brand yourself, brand yourself as becoming

Brand yourself as a student of life, thirsty to be corrected

Brand yourself a creator

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) -- Anderson, a little town in Alaska's interior, has no gas station, no grocery store and no traffic lights, but it does have plenty of woodsy land -- and it's free to anyone willing to put down roots in the often-frozen ground.

In a modern twist on the homesteading movement that populated the Plains in the 1800s, the community of 300 people is offering 26 large lots on spruce-covered land in a part of Alaska that has spectacular views of the Northern lights and Mount McKinley, North America's highest peak.

And what's an occasional day of 60-below cold in a town removed from big-city ills?

"It's Mayberry," said Anderson high-school teacher Daryl Frisbie, whose social studies class explored ways to boost the town's dwindling population. Students developed a Web site and Power Point presentation, then persuaded the City Council to give it a go.


there's more, here's the link

I must be getting close!





the exposition-2 fridays ago, i went to philly, on a whim. it felt right. I ended up meeting an AWESOME artist,(Buying 7 paintings for 60 bucks!!!!!!!!) a hip hop artist,(cd, 5 bucks) a record company exec, and just talking nice with lots of happy people.

Well, the exec  (blakout records) wants to put together an indi art/music tour, so i am going to see wha's up...maybe kick some poetry, and definitely hook him up with my friends.

as opposed to type the rest out again. I'm going to copy emails.




i met a girl named autumn the other day. i saw her tuesday on main st. drove past her and just noticed her.  wed. she was in main squeez, I said “ hey, i'm jordan, i saw you yesterday” . . . ladada, then i got my wheat grass and left
then i came back, and said "this may sound weird, but I just read celestine prophecy, and it's all - there's no such thing as a coincidence, yada yada- and then ..well(acting kind of shy)i wanted to see if there was a meaning for me noticing you, and then bumping into you”

and she said "well i have an art show friday, you should come"to which igave, almost reluctantly "i'd love to, but i'm going to the poconos this weekend"

then i told her about these people i met who are putting on a big art/music tourand she gave me her email

then i left


here's the email i just sent her






So,

This is Jordan, that nice young gentleman you met the other day a few times on main street (main sqz)

And I've got a story or 2 to tell you.

First off, how's everything? I'm sorry to hear about your show tonight.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

This morning, I had plans to go up to the poconos to the himalayan institute .  It's a yoga center that I lived at 2 Mays ago till last June. About a year.  There was a seminar (i assume there still is) going on, it was to be lovely, and i'm sure it is, especially with reduced attendance.  It was all about what's the role of a conscious seeker in the 21st centure, etc.  Meditation, all that good stuff.Well, Winter mix and icy conditions prevailed and I was defeated. 

In fact, that's not entirely true.  I could have made it, had I left att 9 oclock, which i was going to, however- i actually had signed up for 2 events this weekend, unbeknown to me and my non-schedule book using self.   So, this morning, i was waiting for a sign to tell me which to attend. The Institute, or tomorrow there's an equinox celibration with yoga and vegi food, etc.- in philly

Finally, i kept seeing the face of the yoga instructor in philly, so i took that as the sign. I've been looking for a spiritual community around these parts, and philly isn't TOOO far away, so that will be nice. a lot of people to talk with, and vibe off of etc. - and hours of body melting yoga. mmm

So, I chose to stay home. (winter mix wasn't sign enough, i guess)

And then i realized that I could see your show!  So i went to main sqz. and looked for your poster,found it, called the place, and found out the time, etc. (i bet you can guess where this story is going)

So i repotted a few plants, cleaned up the place cooked myself dinner, and then left on an excursion in the wintery mix to see the show of one Autumn Dean.  ; )

I did see your name in lights - that's quite nice. 

So, after finding out that I should have called ahead b4 i headed out -I headed home.

that sentence had too much head.  Rookie bartender mistake and grammar no-no.

Anyhow. So on the way home, i got lost a bit, not bad- just missed a turn really
then got almost all the way home

and my car thought it was a good idea to go play in a ditch.

So,  i got out of my car, and instantly soaked my socks. nice.

Then i called AAA.

waited 15 min. for a person (your call will be answered in the order it is received)
and finally got hold, they sent someone out (under 2 hours)
BUT! a good sumeritan came and saved me.  his name was Danny. Should have been a Dan i thought, or Daniel

He was the strong silent type. Huge hillbilly accent, . pulled me out, then left without a word.
I did shake his hand though. Perhaps the strongest handshake I've felt, and not one of those I'm trying to crush your hand shakes.
This guy just personified ... well something. The guy on the beam with his lunchbox hundred stories up, riveting.

So, here I am at home. getting ready for bed.


OOH! I almost forgot an important part- another good semeritan stopped- Jeremy..  We talked for like, 3 or 5 minutes while we waited for AAA b4 the spirit of America came and saved me. 

He works at the chesepeake in, etc.

But, the thing is- he is trying to open an internet company, and his buddy does web design.....AND, i'm trying to get someone to design a pretty complicated web site for me and the organization i have started/am starting.... SOO,
Hopefully that guy's a noble soul too, because the website's all about community service- donating your time. Hopefully he'll be the first.

More about the website later, it would take too long to describe now, and I need to brush my teeth.

SO.

I bid you goodnight, with full awareness that there's no such thing as an accident.

Jordan

Do I fear failure?

What is Failure, besides stopping to try?  When does one call his enterprise bust?
I do fear getting in over my head, and not being able to perform when it is necessary for me to do so - due to either a lack of energy or a bad day. 

I fear that I will let people down, and in doing so, perhaps I make the biggest mistake of all by not trying and therefore not fulfilling my prophecy.

What do I want to be for people?

An inspiration, a light, a leader, a bearer of good news, happiness and truth.

Why do I want to be that for people?

Perhaps partially to feel validated.
Partially because I think the world needs these things.
Partially, it just seems most right.

Why me?

What else is one here to do?

What about be satisfied, grateful?

How does one do so without giving?

Notice the blessings, dedicate self to the moment.  Ask for nothing, not even those things that seem to come naturally- satiety from food, quenched thirst from drink, rest with sleep, tranquility from meditation.

If these things come, they are blessings, however, the acts themselves are prayer and worship, which is all that we can do.  Work hard, laugh, tell stories, dream or not dream, exercise, study.  All prayer.

What does prayer accomplish?

With selfless intention, prayer brings us piece of mind.

Am i to expect this?

No.

Well, if it never comes, why pray?

Until you can find a better intention than offering and surrender.... well, let's just say, always do the best that you know of.

What about when I fall short, when I am lazy and unhappy?

Strive.  Expect nothing from yourself.  Action must come spontaneously and without punishment in order to truly take hold.  When things improve, act- and remember that sometimes things improve with action.

Saying that you cannot expect a thing is not to say that you cannot notice trends and act upon them.  Exercise tends to leave one refreshed and nourished.  Act upon your observations, only do not depend upon them.  Build yourself a chest full of resources to use, tools for the occasion.  Be observant and care for these tools, and improve them.

What should I do about my biggest fears?

Examine route causes, and see if they are justifiable.  If so, work to conquer their external causes. 

If one cannot do anything about them, then do not waste energy with fear - they will either play out and go away, or be solved when the time comes and one has the necessary resources to deal with them.

If your fears are internally based, work to fortify yourself.

Work both in the daily realm of actions to build confidence, and also stay vigilent in the moment that your fears surface.  See them as mental constructs and deal with them rationally, and listen to your own true voice.  Your questioning your ability diminishes your ability - it is better to say that one does not know either way and work persistently until the moment arises.    Remember what you said about failure and trying.

Why do I do things that my hearts wisdom knows I should not do?

Habit, will, and ego all conspire and act out of past construction.  This is what naturally happens when one is not complete.

Ego necessarily contains doubt until it acts as an instrument for the heart or conscience.

While ego necessarily contains doubt, the mind always needs validation. 
The wisest thing to do is to follow through with your desires, and test your hearts wisdom. See what happens when you follow your passions and excesses.

Pile evidence.

Eventually ego will come to realize that the heart is not its enemy, that it truly is the manifestation of pure uncondtional love, and this love resonates everwhere- it even looks out for the ego.

Following desire naturally leads to the dis-illusion of the ego.

This happens on a micro level of actions and consiquences, each adding more evidence for the final ballot.  Is is almost as if each mental construct or quality is won over seperately.

There will remain doubts until desperation causes the soul to cry out.
It is all building evidence for the final paradigm shift

Ultimately, it is a deeper intellect which decides, and we merely must  follow.   The reasons we may give are not as valid as the truth that "I know".

Therefore, there is no off-track.  There is no wrong path.  There is only evidence gathering.  Worry not about the forgetfullness of your mind - the soul remembers and speaks this truth. 
Eventually your ego will sing harmony.

This is cause enough to smile.
Or at least to feel comfort.
Or to draw another breath.

Now follow.  Remember, there is no such thing as failure.

I haven't yet sent this...but i'm curious- do you think it's to the point enough, or too long to get at the point, and too longwinded in general?  Your input is GREATLY appreciated! thanks.
                  




January 31, 2007

Senator Joe Biden
201 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C.
20510

Senator Biden,

I am writing concerning the message of freedom and the path of victory in Iraq.  Seeing what I have in the news, reading the reports that I read, I am deeply troubled.  I have an idea that if you have not already considered, I would consider it an honor if you did.

The news that radical Muslim Mullahs have taken over the role of some of the schooling in Iraq and other troubled zones worries me in that it makes victory all the more illusive.  Even if we were to beat back resistence in the war zones, this could only be a temporary fix as the next generation of combatants learn to tie their shoes, say their alphabet and hate our flag and the good people that stand beside it.  Our message of peace and freedom is marred in their eyes, and this is our opportunity to polish and reinstate it as the cultural ideal in the hearts of the citizens of the world. 

Instead of thinking of this as a setback, we should capitalize on the opportunity we have- to unite region and world by providing an alternative, by showing them we truly do care for their future by moving forward with education.  This is truly the ultimate peacekeeping mission.

Calling for Muslims of all lands to step up and defend the honesty of their religion, unsullied by radical ideals of carnage, hate and a twisted form of redemption, we defend that which those who peg themselves as our enemies value most- their religious identity.  Send a troupe of teachers so faithful and convicted in their religion that they would risk themselves for its better and honest values and be an example of dignity and courage to the region, whose current role models may be those with hate clogging their moral judgements.

Calling for Muslims with a true understanding of the peace which religion begs of us, the internal battle between good and evil that the scriptures enlighten in us, and the adaptation that the world demands of us is surely our best defense against “terrorism” or intolerance. 
       

The trick really, for winning the war, is to win the public of Iraq back, to win back the fancy of the world.  Through peacekeeping, through helping them meet their  needs, we will show them who their real enemy is.  If we do not move forward with this, we risk giving extremists the opportunity to aid in restructuring society, winning allies in the process.  If we move quickly, the true intentions of all concerned will be exposed, and  the extremists will be ostracized and eventually fade from existence and memory. 

The key concept in this world that is now completely interdependent is making sure that every area and concern gets its due attention.  Likened to a living organism, if a part is neglected and starts to fester, the whole body is to suffer. In fighting our battles with weapons alone we risk cutting off our nose to spite our face.  We must be part of a force of healing if we aim to succeed in these trying years to come.   

By setting up aid in the name of the American people and all free people of the world, inviting those in the war torn region to take our hand and climb towards a better life, we interact on the personal level of compassion, which is the path to success.   Because the world has displayed an increasing lack of trust in our executive branch, this initiative may be best received coming from elsewhere. This may require work between Senators and leaders of the public sector to achieve proper scope and to send the correct message, but it cannot be government alone.  We must demonstrate to those we aim to aid and to all the people of the world that the American people are not their enemies.
                                   



Sincerely,




Jordan Epstein